TRUNCHEON MEAT

As part of an ongoing UK DEI drive, London’s Metropolitan Police decided to increase the diversity of their ranks by one simple expedient—deliberately hiring a black pedophile. Cliff Mitchell had previously been overlooked for recruitment after being accused of raping a child, something which, traditionally, police officers are not really supposed to do. But then, in 2020, George Floyd died and all that somehow changed, allowing Cliff to thereby use his newfound DEI position as a cop to continue abusing and kidnapping his victims, one of whom was a child under 13.

When news of the above obscenity emerged this week, it caused quite a stir online. Always highly concerned with women’s rights, Britain’s left-wing Labour Party government responded in the most logical fashion they knew—not by banning DEI schemes designed to help disadvantaged black rapists handcuff privileged white women to their bedposts, but by disingenuously attempting to get X banned to avoid outraged normal folk freely discussing such matters.

One alleged feature of Grok, an AI add-on feature for Elon Musk’s X, is that it allows canny hackers to trick it into “nudifying” photographs of any random female fed into it, including ones young enough to appeal to Officer Cliff Mitchell’s own proven tastes. Certainly, it proved possible to “digitally undress” unwitting girls down to their imaginary bikinis via Grok—just like users have with other easily available AI apps like ChatGPT and Google Gemini. In a feigned response, the UK Government thus threatened to ban X altogether—but, strangely, not ChatGPT or Google Go-Ogle. 

As X in the UK is a hotbed of unfiltered anti-migrant sentiment, Musk raged that Labour’s threat was merely a lying excuse to censor online free speech about DEI-enabled scum like Mitchell. “Why is the UK Government so fascist?” Elon asked, implying they were a bunch of Nazis, a label which was, of course, wholly inaccurate—the Nazis were white supremacists, not white subservients. 

To prove they definitely weren’t Nazis, Labour next banned the suspiciously blonde and blue-eyed Dutch anti-Islam commentator Eva Vlaardingerbroek from future entry to the country after she tweeted the following in Musk’s support:   

Keir Starmer wants to crack down on X under the pretense of ‘women’s safety’, whilst he’s the one allowing the ongoing rape and killing of British girls by migrant rape-gangs. Evil, despicable man.

In solidarity with Eva-Supposedly-Braun, President Trump’s free speech czar, Sarah Rogers, promptly compared Starmer’s UK not to Hitler’s Germany, but Putin’s Russia. Sarah should know; she’s the czar, after all.

To be fair, the AI-powered bikinification of non-consenting ladies online is a genuine problem with apps like Grok. But also a problem were the colossal double-standards of certain particular ladies who began volubly complaining about it to back Sir Keir up, notably British TV presenter Maya Jama – a model who continually promotes herself by posting salacious photos and videos wearing tiny bikinis online for all to see. 

So, just to get things straight, Maya was worried that someone might artificially re-edit genuine photos of her pouting into a camera semi-naked into fake ones of her pouting into a camera semi-naked? Maybe her real fear was that someone might as Grok to tell her to put some clothes on for once: “Hey, Grok, stitch Maya Jama into a yashmak!” (Or at least into a scold’s bridle.) Under Keir Starmer’s supine Islamophilic rule, it’s only going to be a matter of time anyway.

SOCIAL(IZED) HOUSING 

When someone compares a Western nation like Great Britain or the USA to a totalitarian dictatorship abroad like Nazi Germany or Putin’s Russia, it’s usually intended as a disapproving insult – but not to Zohran Mamdani’s Marxist cosplay chums in the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), who this week cheered Mamdani’s aspirations to imitate the Venezuelan government’s wrong-headed housing schemes in New York. 

Outraged by President Donald Trump’s New Year kidnapping of Nicolas Maduro from his compound in Caracas (not for Cliff Mitchellesque purposes, but purely for legitimate geopolitical reasons), DSA commissars held a special “Hands Off Venezuela!” videocall, praising the incredible affordability of homes in the Bolivarian People’s Republic. This is true. Apartments in cities like Caracas are indeed dirt-cheap. But why are they so affordable? 

Two main reasons, really: 1) They are complete hovels, not even having basic amenities like running water or actual panes in the windows, and 2) Many do not actually exist anywhere other than on lying pieces of paper, corrupt Commie officials having pocketed the intended government construction cash before running away laughing.  

North Carolina DSA leader Tristan Bavol-Marques certainly found himself impressed by Venezuelan housing stock, however, recalling a previous state-supervised DSA trip to the country, where he marveled that homes were “sold at cost”—that cost presumably being $0, as most were not actually there at all. 

Still, $0 is a highly affordable sum, even for a Venezuelan. In fact, it’s the one possible amount where the Venezuelan bolivar still has complete parity with the US dollar.      

ROOM TO RANT

Another DSA-linked leftist with a severe housing complex is Mamdani’s chosen new NYC tenants’ rights supremo Cea Weaver, who has gone on record as believing private property ownership, specifically of a home, is a “weapon of white supremacy.” She also dislikes gentrification of previous slum areas, obviously thinking the non-white poor should go on living there in filth forever, just so she can moon around pretending to feel sorry over them.

So as not to be accused of being a hypocrite, where does Weaver herself live? As befits her name, in a small, rented, wicker basket? No, in a private apartment in Crown Heights—one of the most gentrified areas in all New York. When reporters lurked outside her front steps to confront her with this fact, Cea broke down into tears, ran straight back inside and locked the door: one of the very many advantages of owning a home of one’s own. 

Worse, it also turned out Weaver’s mother—a university professor named Celia Applegate—inhabits a $1.6 million luxury home in Nashville, one of the most intensely gentrified cities in all America. By Weaver’s own loony logic, this must mean her mom is the biggest Nazi on planet Earth, the skirted Himmler of the real estate world? There is some highly suggestive evidence this might indeed be so: Frau Professor Apfel-Gatter is a teacher of German Studies at Vanderbilt University. 

Another privileged New York Democrat who sickeningly owns his own luxury property is Steven Spielberg, who has been outed as having enjoyed a clandestine meeting with Mamdani at his Central West Park apartment following the new mayor’s election victory. Details of precisely what the pair discussed have remained a secret, but it is believed Spielberg may have been seeking potential script-ideas for a new movie about people being forced to endure inhumane, overcrowded and unsanitary living conditions at the behest of evil extremist politicians, called Schindler’s Housing List. 

Like the original Schindler’s List, it will go on and on forever, and by the time most applicants finally reach the top of it, they will probably all be dead.    

KIM IL-DUNG

With characteristic twisted priorities, Mamdani has decided his number one plan (and number two plan) for making up for the fact the plumbing doesn’t work in so much slum-like New York public housing is not to get Cea Weaver to do anything so vulgar as actually fix any of it, but to micturate $4 million up a wall on ranks upon ranks of bright, shiny, new public toilets all across the Big Crapple instead. For a true revolutionary socialist, even defecation must become collective. 

Yet there is a deep and enigmatic mystery about the Mayor’s latest announcement. He claims said public conveniences will somehow be “self-cleaning”. How so? The only possible answer can lie within another socialist worker’s paradise: North Korea.

Every January at about this time, the Hermit Kingdom’s chubby dictator Kim Jong-Un demands that every last man, woman, and child participate in a compulsory countrywide “poo harvest” by having regime apparatchiks collect their stored dung up and spread it all over fields due to a national shortage of genuine chemical fertilizer. Alongside higher crop-yields, Kim also desires higher crap-yields, regularly imposing impossibly large quotas upon his people. Each adult is required to save and bag up 500kg of feces for gathering, when the average annual amount produced by the typical adult is only 145kg; Kim, being himself is so well-fed, may have unrealistic standards.

The result of these impossible demands is predictable: terrified North Koreans, desperate not to end up in one of Kim’s gulags for failing to comply, buy surplus stools from others with galloping diarrhea on the black (or brown) market, or else steal stockpiles en masse from unguarded public toilets. Hence, the solution to the puzzling question as to how Mamdani is going to render his NYC toilets self-cleaning from filth is obvious: become a “sanctuary city” for North Koreans, and wait for their reshittances back to the DPRK to flush the problem away.  

WALZING OVER THE CLIFF

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Similar Third World–style governmental dysfunction is marching rapidly right across the West. Things are getting so bad the United Arab Emirates has now announced restrictions on its citizens studying at UK universities, lest they become radicalized by all the mad Arabs living there—which once would have been a bit like banning them from British beaches lest they gain too much of a taste for sand. 

Still, you can see what the Emiratis mean; just look at how badly the Democrat Tim Walz has gone native in Minnesota after spending so much time around all those shipped-in Somalis he loves so much. In a new speech, Walz has crudely promised to spend his last remaining time in office as governor by treating Republican opponents in the following fashion: “Expect for the next 11 months for me to ride you like you’ve never been ridden.” 

DEI for black rapists; homelessness as a public policy choice; censorship as “public safety.” How much worse can things get over here? Start bagging up your turds: those fields won’t fertilize themselves.