Someone crack a window...

PublishedJune 21, 2025 6:32 PM EDT•UpdatedJune 21, 2025 6:32 PM EDT

Science is amazing, isn't it?

Sure, we may still be twiddling our thumbs waiting for cures for cancer and flying cars, but scientists are still hard at work making breakthroughs day in and day out.

The latest? They've cracked the code on old people funk.

We've all experienced it: that awful smell that  ̶g̶e̶e̶z̶e̶r̶s̶ our elders emit that smells like someone rinsed some mothballs in a bottle of Ensure and then wrapped them in a pair of Depends.

Every nursing home has it, a lot of places with "Early Bird" specials have it, as do most Bingo halls.

But before one defeats geezer stink, one must understand geezer stink.

"Old people smell comes from lipid peroxidation on top of the skin. And if you don’t have enough antioxidants, that smell builds up, and because we don’t get a lot of cellular turnover as we age, it lingers," Oxford Healthspan Leslie Kenny told The New York Post.

Oh, it certainly lingers; it also "wafts." Those are the two most common verbs when dealing with funk.

Scientists say that there's a simple way to fight the scourge of old people stink. (Getty Images)

"It’s a whole body thing," Kenny said of the geriatric odor. "The smell comes from a compound called 2-nonenal. It’s basically sebum that has rusted."

Alright, ew.

Kenny said that you can't mask senior stink, which is why you have to fight it in other ways, like with diet.

She said that mushrooms are good for this because they contain an amino acid called ergothioneine, which prevents the lipid peroxidation that leads to the smell.

Now, I have no reason to doubt this, but I do feel like we're in an era of solving all of our problems with mushrooms. I think that's because of the range of mushrooms. Some are great on top of a steak, some will let you talk to God, and then others will kill you.

See, lots of range.

But, hey, if it's going to be the key to warding off geezer stink, I'm going to start loading up on mushrooms like I'm Super Mario.