Satire: A sneak peek at Democrats’ 'Project 2029'

Apparently, the self-same Democrats who went ballistic over Republicans’ “Project 2025” policy prescription guide that would basically return the United States to its founding principles are now planning a similar document of their very own.
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Here is my parody:
According to several anonymous but trusted sources, the first part of the manifesto looks very much like this:
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AARP ACLU Antifa AOC Barbara Streisand Bruce Springsteen CAIR CCP CNN Communist Party USA Earth Liberation Front Gavin Newsome GLAAD Jasmine Crockett Kilmar Abrego Garcia Minnesota Star Tribune MSNBC NAACP NEA NPR PBS Pfizer Planned Parenthood Rachel Maddow Rashida Tlaib Salon Slate Snopes.com Weather Underground Zohran Mamdani
PROMISE #1: We will rid the nation of infidels (Jews, Christians, MAGA types, etc.) in an effort to save our democracy. Diversity is great, but real diversity sometimes means not being too diverse.
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PROMISE #2: We will soak the rich with exorbitant tax rates and use the resulting windfall to institute a national basic income. We don’t believe rich people are smart enough to relocate to other nations even if we confiscate the majority of their ill-gotten income. (We will, by unfortunate necessity, have to exempt ourselves from this noble endeavor.)
PROMISE #3: We will legalize criminality and criminalize formerly legal and “decent” behavior. How progressive is that, dudes?
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PROMISE #4: We will reopen the border. It is unfair of us to limit immigration in any way. And how else are we going to find people to build retaining walls and fences to protect our homes in our gated communities?
PROMISE #5: We will legalize abortion on demand-- at any time for any reason-- up to the age of 7. This will finally release prospective parents from the horrid and inescapable specter of unwanted pregnancy/parenthood and greatly enhance women’s health care. #OurBodiesOurChoice. #Women’sRightToChoose.
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PROMISE #6: We will lower the legal voting age to…7. (And perhaps also the age of consent, but that is to be addressed after we re-take power from the Republican troglodytes.) This will redress a great injustice to a cherished and yet previously marginalized group. We see you youngsters! And we want your vote.
PROMISE #7: We will keep goading our mentally unstable acolytes into shooting our political opponents, even as we demand ‘common sense gun control.’ We will then blame the now-dead political opponents for their own deaths. A Brilliant two-fer! We have discovered it is easier to eliminate our opponents than to defeat them. (This seems to also be working for progressive parties in other nations-- such as Brazil, England and Germany.)
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Our aim is simply to take back power from the prudes and bigots and return it to the unelected career bureaucrats, criminals, illegal aliens, and sexual deviants to whom it rightfully belongs. We vow to tax the rich, passively-aggressively enslave the poor, cheapen life, attack Christianity, embrace Islam, rewrite history, mock patriotism, reopen our borders, destroy Capitalism and The Patriarchy, put strict limits on speech to protect the easily offended, eliminate the Second Amendment, and engage in such other activities as we deem necessary to counteract those of the Bad Orange Man who unconstitutionally held power the past four years…due, no doubt, to Russian interference.
Image: Pixabay / Pixabay License