Trawling the papers of India, I found this from the Free Press Journal of Mumbai, dated Feb. 13:

Cockroach milk has captured the attention of scientists and nutritionists alike. In 2016, researchers studied a milk-like substance produced by female Pacific beetle cockroaches to nourish their young. Their findings, published in the Journal of the International Union of Crystallography, suggested that this fluid could be one of the most nutrient-dense substances on Earth. Unlike traditional dairy milk, cockroach milk is a yellowish liquid that crystallizes inside the stomachs of cockroach offspring. This substance is loaded with protein, amino acids, and healthy sugars, all essential for bodily functions like cell repair and growth. Researchers discovered that cockroach milk contains three times more calories than buffalo milk, which was previously the most calorie-dense mammalian milk known.

So what? I’m calling bee ess on this supposed story.

What’s more, I can’t stomach it.

And are cockroaches mammals? I didn’t think so. But perhaps they’re transitioning.

The Free Press Journal again:

According to the National Institutes of Health, ‘Studies suggest that cockroach milk has much higher energy content than traditional milk, making it a potential superfood.’

Don’t care.

The article did note that the biggest hurdle to making cockroach milk a staple of human consumption was the cockroaches’ lack of adequate milk production. No sh*t, Sherlock. The piece also astutely noted that, unlike cows or goats, cockroaches cannot be 'milked' in the traditional sense.

Duh. Remarkable.

My analysis: So-called ‘experts’ now claim that cockroach milk is three times more nutritious than cow’s milk? Great, but how does one ‘milk’ a cockroach? (Please insert your own joke here.) And who would milk them? How many cockroaches would it take to equal the milk from one cow -- or even from one udder? (Please insert your own joke here, as well.) On second thought, I don't want to know. Picturing teeming hordes of cockroaches is a bit creepy. Picturing teeming hordes of ‘scientists’ attempting to extract their ‘milk’ is worse.

This kind of agenda-driven pseudoscience bugs me. So, I guess all I can do is milk the subject for all it's worth.

Guess we’re all queasy now.

Image: Pixabay / Pixabay License