Some characters in the James Bond movie franchise have evocative names, such as Pussy Galore in Goldfinger. Others hint at a double entendre, such as Onatopp in GoldenEye. There’s now consideration over whom should replace Daniel Craig in the main role, but a name change may also be in order.

The James Bond movie franchise is being shaken, and that is stirring up conjecture and controversy over its direction. Amazon is taking control, and Jeff Bezos is soliciting public input on whom should be the next Bond. So far, the leading contender is Henry Cavill.

There’s a problem -- he’s not qualified to portray the agents British intelligence units are now recruiting. Cavill is a suave (so they say), white male, presumably teeming with toxic masculinity. If movies are supposed to reflect society, this just won’t do. Diversity and inclusivity (an oxymoron, if ever there was one) are top priorities for the UK’s intelligence agencies.

Recruitment at British intelligence services is so racist that Cavill (even if he met the lowered nationality standards) would be denied an opportunity for a security services internship, let alone the elite “OO, license to kill” branch. White Britons (and presumably white foreigners… if they’re sexually straight) need not apply.

What a bunch of British tosh. No matter, Keep Calm and Carry (Walther PPK, that is). There’s an actor who may better reflect the preferred personal proclivities of personnel in His Majesty’s Secret Service.

Recently, “Doctor Who” (another classic British entertainment enterprise) chose a black gay man named Ncuti Gatwa to be the Time Lord. Actually, I guess he’s proud to be “queer,” though I don’t care to know the difference. The point is, he fits the profile of the preferred candidates that MI6 (James Bond’s unit), and MI5 are desperately seeking.

Apparently, Ncuti is looking beyond the Tardis (Doctor Who’s time machine) for new endeavors, so we have a convenient confluence of factors: Bezos needs a new James Bond; British Secret Service wokeness beggars belief; Ncuti may be available.

While plots for James Bond flicks can be absurdly fictional, recent producers and script writers gleefully peddle societal trends. Compared to the original version as conceived by spy novelist Ian Fleming, James Bond has been emaciated and feminized under Barbara Broccoli's stewardship as she rides the coattails of her famous movie-producing father, Albert R. Broccoli. Choosing Ncuti is the next logical step in ridiculing and revising the original Bond.

Whoever has the final say in potentially choosing him would likely get a nice award from the overpaid personnel director at MI6. However, even make-believe Bond has his fictitious limits -- if personified by cutesy Ncuti, he can’t really be “Bond, James Bond.” Rather, the new name should continue the franchises’ over-the-top (Onatopp) naming tradition, while exemplifying the virtue-signaling “values” of the actual institution he helps portray. How about “Bound, Gay Bound”?

Image: AT via Magic Studio