Cruel and Unusual Punishment...for Us: Portland Plans 'Emergency' Naked Bike Ride to Protest ICE

twitchy.com


The resistance is here. And whoo, boy, is it stupid.

Up in the ugly and smelly Pacific Northwest, where armpit hair goes to thrive, the brave freedom fighters in Portland have come up with an ingenious new tactic to try to keep ICE from enforcing the law: 

Advertisement

Gross them out so much that they want to pour bleach into their own eyes. 

Yes, according to local news reports, Portland leftists are planning to bare all in protest with an 'emergency' world naked bike ride -- as opposed to the regular ones that they have there to showcase their 'pride' (not to mention showcasing their junk to children). 

We only wish we were making this up. 

We're not sure what day this event is planned for yet, but we know one thing. That will be a terrible day to have eyes. 

(Also, how is it a 'world' naked bike ride when it is only happening in one miserable blue city?)

Needless to say, we were not alone in our revulsion to this latest fresh Hell from the left. 

LOL. 

Modern -- and repugnantly weird -- problems require modern solutions. 

Recommended

Advertisement

It's a foolproof plan ... if their objective is making the President, ICE agents, and the rest of America throw up.

It might influence the Trump administration to build a wall around Portland ... and make Phil Knight pay for it. 

It will be an unholy olfactory mix of pot, patchouli, cat urine, and desperation. 

We'd recommend a flamethrower, but maybe that's just us. 

Forever unclean! 

If ICE merely brandishes bars of soap, the protesters are likely to flee, screaming.

In fact, we'd kind of like to see their reaction if federal agents sprinkled them with Holy Water.

We're going to assume that's a rhetorical question. 

Advertisement

A Captain Obvious statement if there ever was one, but it deserves saying anyway. 

Undoubtedly. 

There's nothing leftists love more than vulgar displays of sexuality in front of children. 

HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. 

Great idea ... if we weren't certain that some of them would enjoy that. 

True, but we suspect many of them already have a 'burning sensation' down there. 

President Trump and Kristi Noem should give them all hazard pay bonuses. 

Somehow, we don't think the people who will be participating look good even in a swimsuit, let alone their birthday suits. 

Advertisement

Call it a hunch. 

For everyone unfortunate enough to witness it, yes. 

The degenerate nature of the planned protest is matched, of course, only by its futility. 

Honestly, we have no idea what these people imagine in their broken brains. 

Frankly, we don't really want to know. 

============================================

Related:

Legacy Media Is Dead, But Journalism Is Alive and Well -- and Under Attack

'Press 1 for Schumer Shutdown': The White House Is Even Trolling Dems on Its Comment Line

Napa Nitwits: What Democrats Are Doing During Schumer Shutdown Says EVERYTHING About Them

'Unnamed Sources' Strike Again! The Daily Beast Pens Desperate Hit Piece on Pete Hegseth

And He's Free ... Free Fallin'! Jimmy Kimmel's Ratings Take the Most Predictable Plunge Ever

Editor's Note: The Schumer Shutdown is here. Rather than put the American people first, Chuck Schumer and the radical Democrats forced a government shutdown for healthcare for illegals. They own this.

Help us continue to report the truth about the Schumer Shutdown. Use promo code POTUS47 to get 74% off your VIP membership.