I was inspired to write this article after watching an online video of a poor mother doing her absolute best to get what looks like a two-year-old into a car seat. I couldn't help but watch it with a smile on my face, because I was there just recently. Some days, I'm still there, though my three-year-old is at least capable of understanding reasoning more than he used to be. 

If you're a parent or a grandparent, you've probably experienced this too. 

أحيانًا، صفعة قوية تحل جميع المشاكل pic.twitter.com/tzcQzEb8PP

— وليم شكسبير (@WimShakespeare) June 9, 2026

It wasn't at all at the time, but watching someone else go through it, you can't help but smile out of sympathy and nostalgia. Trace Adkins told me I was "gonna miss this," and while I don't believe him, I do look back on those moments like a hard job I accomplished with my hair only a little grayer. 

But the issue I had with this video wasn't the video itself; it was the suggestion to others about how parents should handle this situation. It was written in Arabic and translated by Grok. 

"Sometimes, a solid slap solves all the problems." 

I hope whoever posted this never has children. 

I was raised in an era where spanking was the norm. I got whooped enough times with hands and belts that the fear of getting that kind of punishment was palpable. The thing is, despite the fear that was there, I was still a child who did childish things. Mistakes were inevitably made. Disrespect did happen. The spanking didn't stop me from making these mistakes; it only corrected my behavior in the moment and left me more angry than scared afterward. 

Today's parenting techniques are much different. It's a gentler approach that removes spanking from the equation entirely and focuses more on validation and direction. 

They gave it all sorts of names like "soft parenting" or "gentle parenting." It was something that I snorted at until I experienced a lot of trial and error. I soon came to realize something about parenting that I don't think many older people will agree with, but I find myself leaning more and more toward. 

Soft parenting is anything but. You've probably seen TikToks, Instagram Posts, or videos on Facebook of "soft parenting" skits where the millennial mother is trying to comfort their raging toddler by telling them they see and validate their "big feelings" and then try to reason with them. 

I can tell you without reservation that this is the worst interpretation out there. It's funny, but it's not reality. 

After doing the research and attempting the methods, I've found that what they call "soft parenting" is probably one of the better approaches to child rearing and one of the worst names they could call it. The only reason they call it gentle is that there's no overt intimidation behind it, and that feels more difficult for the parent. Since there's no raising of voices or spanking, the parent gets no emotional release themselves and no quick solution to the behavior. 

I found I wasn't the only parent who discovered this. 

Some of my friends have children of the same age, and as is the case between parents, we talk about parenting. They told me that while they did spank their kid when they thought it necessary, the underlying issue never disappeared, and in some cases, the behavior only got worse and seemed to alienate the child in exchange for temporary relief. They wish they'd never spanked them at all. 

The APA notes that what we experienced as parents isn't in our imaginations. Spanking solves the immediate issue, but it kicks the behavioral can down the road and only makes it a bit worse: 

Spanking gets their attention, but they have not internalized why they should do the right thing in the future. They may behave when the adult is there but do whatever they want at other times.

[...]

Researchers found that spanking can elevate a child’s aggression levels as well as diminish the quality of the parent-child relationship.

Instead, the method we have today utilizes a better understanding of child psychology. 

These kids, like the toddler in the video above, cannot control their emotions. They don't have the brain capacity to do it. Their tiny toddler rage is a product of inexperience and inability to reason. Spanking them is shocking and may cause them to temporarily halt or, at the very least, stay still, but this is more of a relief for the parent. The child is still a child with the same problems afterward, but now they have to contend with the fear of physical pain as well. 

Diving into the psychological research, I came away with some answers that I had started suspecting. Yes, spanking children did get them to calm down, did get them to become more pliant, but it was a short-term solution that caused a long-term issue that is oftentimes just as much for parents' sanity as it is for the child's discipline. 

But the harder route is, as usual, the one with the better outcome. 

But I wouldn't call this kind of parenting soft or gentle. It's definitely firm. It establishes boundaries. There are consequences for bad behavior, and those consequences are rock solid. 

I expect my toddler to act out. He can't help it. He's still a baby who just learned how to talk a little bit. He can't reason well. His ability to self-soothe is a work in progress, and gets better as his brain develops, and my job is to assist that as much as possible. That means having the patience not to give attention to a tantrum that he's throwing to get attention or out of exhaustion. It means taking away privileges for bad behavior that he cannot get back without exhibiting proper behavior consistently. 

It means giving short, direct, and easy-to-understand instructions once he's capable of receiving said instructions. And showing him love and forgiveness once he's calmed himself down. Sometimes it doesn't take long. Sometimes it takes way longer than anyone would like. 

This is hard to do. Quick solutions are the easiest. Especially in moments where the tantrum or behavior is inconvenient and even enraging, the desire to take them to the bathroom for a spanking and a stern talking to, as I was raised, is high, but I've noticed that when I endure and act firmly, decisively, and with displays of even-tempered direction, my son seems to pick up on the lesson faster. He's learned to calm himself better. He's even begun catching himself before he starts on a few occasions. 

Not bad for a three-year-old. 

To be clear, he's not perfect. He still has toddler rage moments and bouts of bad behavior to test the borders of my patience. Whoever said "terrible twos" was the worst age clearly never made it to the "threenager" year. That said, I like this parenting strategy. As I told my wife, I want him to do these things. They're teaching moments.

They aren't permissive and soft, as it's popularly thought of. In fact, I take the Biblical proverb "He who spares the rod hates his son" pretty seriously.  

The thing is, when we hear "rod," we traditionally think of "something to hit someone with," and to be sure, the rods were used to whack predators like wolves and lions. Shepherds of the Near East didn't use their rods (shebet) on their sheep except to prod and correct, but never as something to hit or beat them with. As usual, that context gives pause. 

"Your rod and staff, they comfort me."

I think I can get that Psalm a little deeper now.