Self-preservation and self-interest are not a uniquely feminine issue. Across both sexes, there is a biological imperative prioritizing individual survival and comfort. However, the moment you get married, the need to navigate this new shared life intensifies due to the immediate demands of dependency on each other.

For young married women, one of the most profound and beneficial acts to counterbalance this innate selfishness is to have a baby.

I can already hear the screaming from feminists telling me that not all women want to be mothers or that I am putting too much pressure on women who are trying but incapable of conceiving due to infertility. As if saying this makes my previous statement false. But this advice is not for them. It’s for married women on the fence, trying to decide whether they are ready to give themselves up in service of another. (Sign up for Mary Rooke’s weekly newsletter here!)

Motherhood, in its most beautiful and demanding form, acts as a natural catalyst for personal growth, stripping away self-centered tendencies and replacing them with a deeper, more selfless purpose. It is the single best and most fruitful way of opening women up to the (sometimes) harsh reality that there are more important things in this world to protect or care about than themselves.

Unpopular opinion:

The single most beneficial thing for a young married woman to do to offset her innately selfish nature is to have a baby.

Motherhood, in its most beautiful form, strips away a woman’s selfish tendencies and replaces them with something far more meaningful.

– Biblical Womanhood

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A newborn requires constant care. They are fed every few hours, which coincides with diaper changes and soothing. This takes patience and vigilant attention to another person’s subtle needs, leaving little room for personal indulgences. The luxury of uninterrupted sleep, spontaneous outings, or extended focus on self-improvement projects evaporates. But what emerges in its place is a forced recalibration in which every part of you fosters empathy and selflessness on a visceral level. As a mother, your schedule, energy, and emotional resources are focused on your child’s well-being.

Motherhood is the moment women truly understand sacrifice and are given a newfound appreciation for life’s deeper meanings. This doesn’t just affect the mother. In a marriage without children, a husband and wife may still have individualistic habits lingering from their single lives. Having a child introduces both to a shared purpose. Their child was born of their romantic connection, and it now replaces fleeting self-focus with enduring knowledge that their love has nurtured another.

The best thing you can do for yourself in 2026 is to have a child. When women embrace motherhood in its ideal form, it stands unparalleled in its capacity for personal refinement. Your once single-focused life becomes a richer and more purposeful experience. As a mother of four, I can honestly say that you won’t regret a single moment of this decision. Even with the sleepless nights, it’s been the most incredible adventure I have ever taken.