United Methodist Church Announces Ban On Heterosexual Clergy

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U.S. — Finally making public a long-anticipated change to the denomination's policy regarding qualifications for members of its pastorate, the United Methodist Church announced a ban on heterosexual clergy.

The final change was made after several years of internal debate about the biblical basis for upholding a specific standard regarding the sexual orientation of the clergy, with the denomination's leaders ultimately deciding that the church must follow its convictions and prevent heterosexuals from being ordained as pastors.

"It's important to us to know what the Bible says and do the opposite," said UMC spokesman Genevea Herbert, a lesbian who also serves as a pastor in the denomination. "We've heard all the arguments from both sides of the issue, and we felt very strongly that this just came down to a simple decision between right and wrong, with choosing ‘wrong' clearly being the right option."

Though the UMC anticipated pushback on the decision, the leadership remained confident that it would end up on the right side of history. "This is where society and culture are trending, and that's what's important to us," Herbert explained. "We're far less concerned about what God or His Word have to say on the topic. We'd much rather be liked and show ourselves to be at the forefront of the progressive movement. We're pretty sure God will love it."

At publishing time, the United Methodist Church had also announced that it was considering banning men from serving as pastors.

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