MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Amid accusations connected to a massive fraud scandal, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has announced he will not seek reelection.

Sources say the governor will now focus his attention on prison where it belongs.

"Yes, folks, I have decided to retire," said Walz, flanked by dozens of cheering Somali migrants. "I love being governor, but I need to spend more time on some other important priorities in my life. It has been an honor serving as your governor. Hadda waan tegayaa Dhamaantiin waxaan idin leeyahay sagootin aad u wanaagsan."

At publishing time, Walz had reportedly escaped the country and was headed to Somalia.

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