SEATTLE, WA — In a shocking turn of events, the mutant raccoon and viral social media star known as "Jimothy" was eaten this afternoon by Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Sources revealed that Kennedy, a longtime wildlife aficionado, methodically hunted down the famous raccoon over the past two days. Victorious over the beast, Kennedy skinned the raccoon, seasoned it with a special blend of spices, and grilled Jimothy to a perfect medium-rare.

"Took me many hours of tracking, but I caught the little guy. Got him with my bare hands," said Kennedy. "He was a crafty one, Jimothy. Whatever mutation he had, it also gave him near-human intelligence. This was far more like hunting a man than a raccoon. Do you know how chock full of antioxidants raccoons are? It's the ultimate immune boost. There are so many vitamins and minerals packed into this little fella."

While Kennedy chowed down, the internet mourned the loss of its latest animal celebrity. Posts from thousands of users reading "Rest in power, Jimothy" popped up across social media, with signs also dotting the Seattle landscape. "I can't believe RFK ate Jimothy," sighed local man Tony Bradley. "Well, actually, I can believe it. It's really not surprising at all. It's still a bit sad though."

At publishing time, RFK Jr. had reportedly traveled to Alaska in search of the bald eagle and fox who had been photographed on the park bench together.

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