MEDINA, OH — The excitement was palpable this afternoon on the bench of a local little league team after word spread that the chubby kid's family was bringing the game snacks.

Anticipation reached a fever pitch at the top of the final inning as the pudgy boy's parents wheeled out a cooler from underneath the grandstand.

"Charlie's parents brought the snacks? Oh man, this is going to be good," said shortstop Benden Latz. "No orange slices or white milk today, fellas. I'm betting on zebra cakes and a Slim Jim. Definitely a Capri Sun, some Doritos — could even be a little milkshake in there. No question Charlie's parents have the goods."

The kids' optimism only grew as they noticed the cooler required two adults to carry. Rumors of Funyuns began to fly as the end of the game neared.

"Oh yeah, boys," said third baseman Kent Patterson. "Cosmic brownies, I'm calling it right now. We may be losing by twelve runs, but who cares? It's Charlie's day today."

At publishing time, the umpire had reportedly called the game early after hearing whispers that the cooler also contained ice cream sandwiches.

Babylon Bee subscriber Tim G contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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