GAZA — Amid recent explosions of left-wing terrorism around the country, Hamas issued a rare public statement this morning to ask Democrats to please tone down the violence a little bit.

"Please, it's too much. You're all making us look bad," said Hamas spokesterrorist Muhammed Muhammed al-Muhammed. "If this keeps up, our esteemed terrorist organization will lose its reputation as the most violent and feared organization in the world."

"So please, maybe take a break for a few weeks and let us do some terrorism too, inshallah."

Sources confirmed that leftists had been on a blood-soaked murder streak for the last several years, dwarfing atrocities attributed to well-known terror groups like Hamas, Hezbollah, and The Walt Disney Company. "Democrats are quickly becoming the most feared multinational terror group in history," said one terror expert. "At this rate, there may not be anyone left to terrorize in a few years."

Hamas did extend an olive branch to Democratic leaders, praising them for their prowess at inciting and perpetrating various atrocities. "It's all very impressive, don't get me wrong," said the Hamas spokesterrorist, "We just ask that you please not hog the spotlight too much. We want some attention for our horrific acts of violence, too."

At publishing time, leftists had committed yet another terrorist attack, completely overshadowing recent Hamas attacks.

Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?