U.S. — The Transportation Security Administration announced on Thursday that it had officially placed the entire Democratic Party on the No Fly List.

After several Democratic Party members declared that America deserved the 9/11 attacks and Western civilization should be eradicated, TSA leaders stated that they were left with no choice but to add the entire party to the list.

"These people are clearly too violent and unstable to be allowed on commercial jetliners," said TSA official Matthew Kingsley. "At the TSA, we believe that crashing planes into skyscrapers to murder thousands of innocent people is bad. While Democrats' supporters may disagree with that assessment, we have to take these threats seriously."

Democrats were outraged by the decision, calling it an authoritarian threat to democracy. "If I can't board a plane just because I support hijacking planes to murder people, is this even America?" said Congressional Democratic nominee Aber Kawas. "Yes, I want to kill every single person on my flight — is that any reason to not let me on the plane? This decision by TSA is a disgusting, racist attack on the fundamental rights we all hold dear."

At publishing time, the TSA had announced that all Libertarians would be added to the No Fly List as well, but just because they smell bad.

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