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The seasons are a-changing, and your darling wife is already shivering as temperatures drop into the 70s. With winter approaching, here are eight clever ways to actually keep your wife warm:

Set your house on fire: Simple, but effective.

Read Song of Solomon to her in the sultry voice of Christopher Walken: Whoa, is it hot in here?

Toss her in the dryer for 45 minutes on "High": She will come out so warm and cozy.

Make a baby: Highly recommend.

Move to the planet Mercury: It's a lot of work, but it's so warm.

Slice open a dead Tauntaun and shove her inside the body cavity: And you thought they smelled bad on the outside!

Just wait for menopause: This requires nothing but patience.

Tell her to calm down: USE AS LAST RESORT.

NOT SATIRE: Unleash Your Inner Bison: Why Every Human Desperately Needs American Bison Socks from The Buffalo Wool Co.

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