8 Perfect New Jobs For Tim Walz

babylonbee.com

Brought to you by: Preserve Gold

With the announcement that he is withdrawing from the Minnesota governor's race, Tim Walz is on the hunt for a new career. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of jobs he'd be absolutely fabulous for:

  • Learning Center Director: These have flourished into multi-billion-dollar businesses under his watch.

  • Chief counselor at the "Pray Away The Straight" camp: What a perfect fit.

  • One of those wacky inflatable tube men at a car dealership: He's already doing the motions. Might as well get paid.

  • Supervisor of the tampon dispenser at a men's correctional facility: He's the world's foremost expert on stocking feminine products in masculine spaces.

  • Head coach for the Minnesota Vikings: Run that pick-six, Timmy.

  • Member of the Village People: He would reportedly prefer to be the one who wears leather chaps.

  • Perverted uncle impersonator: It's a niche market, but who could be better?

  • President of Somalia: A natural transition.

  • Ol' Tim is certain to land on his feet somewhere. What other jobs would be perfect for him? Post your suggestions in the comments.

    Not Satire: Central Banks Ditch Dollars for Gold: Historic Shift Signals Trouble for the U.S. Dollar!

    In a landmark development first seen in nearly 30 years, global central banks now hold more gold than U.S. Treasuries in their reserves — a milestone crossed in 2025 amid surging precious metal prices that hit new all-time highs in late 2025.

    This shift reflects growing concerns over the U.S. dollar's dominance. Key drivers include:

    · Tightening gold supply from massive institutional purchases, which remove physical metal from the market for years.

    · Rising risks in dollar-based assets, such as sanctions, asset freezes, and geopolitical tensions that could make Treasuries less reliable.

    · Soaring U.S. national debt, reaching $38 trillion in 2025, raising doubts about long-term fiscal stability.

    · Expanding industrial demand for metals like silver in tech, EVs, solar, and AI industries.

    Several nations, including China and India, have continued to expand their gold reserves as part of broader diversification efforts, viewing gold as a neutral, permission-free store of value. The article argues this trend — backed by record central bank buying — signals a broader move away from dollars, potentially driving prices higher.

    Against this backdrop, Preserve Gold offers a free 2026 Precious Metals Guide, designed to help individuals better understand how physical gold and silver may play a role in diversified financial planning, and even includes potential cashback offers up to $15,000. The message is clear: Institutions are acting now — everyday Americans should consider following suit to hedge against dollar risks.

    AI won't take these jobs!