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Lots of people try to remake Jesus in their own image by viewing His life through the lens of their culture, but this is a remarkably offensive way to view the King of Kings. Unless you're American. We spoke to actual theologians to discuss the validity of Jesus being an American and you won't believe what we learned.

Check out these convincing proofs:

Founded the most popular religion in America: No way that's a coincidence.

Didn't rely on government to solve problems: Bureaucrats can't walk on water or heal blindness.

He was played by Jim Caviezel in a movie: And he's more American than anybody.

Never watched a soccer game: Of course he didn't. Because he wasn't a stinking communist.

Probably would have liked baseball if it'd been around at the time: You can just tell, you know?

Didn't use the metric system: 'Merica.

You can't spell Jesus without spelling USA: If you rearrange it and add a letter.

Frequently invoked in Middle Eastern politics: Mission accomplished.

Didn't have a voter ID: What's that?

Provided aid to people in Israel: Not unlike the United States.

This seems pretty definitive to us. This is why America is the most sacred and patriotic nation on earth.

NOT SATIRE: Bring Hope to Children in Crisis This Christmas

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These sets have already reached children rescued from slavery in India, softening their hearts amidst their fear and pain. These sets will also supply gifts for the children of North Korean defectors living secretly in South Korea and children in Ukraine, who have endured the struggles of war for four heartbreaking years. Join us this holiday season in sharing the story of Christ, the true source of comfort and joy for these children.

Click here to fund a storybook set of The Real Story of Jesus for children in crisis this Christmas.

Congress is preparing to make some big changes!