People love predictions about what will happen in the coming year. Below is a list of 30 things that will NOT happen.

1. A WaPo fact-check will conclude with: “we were wrong, sorry.”
2. A celebrity will say: “maybe I should shut up about politics” and follow through on it.
3. A major university will finally discover the value of diversity of opinions.
4. A media outlet will run a headline: “this story has no racial angle.”
5. Media will start referring to the political right without adding ultra-, far-, or extreme.
6. A war will end because of a really powerful hashtag and social media filters.
7. A school board will prioritize math and reading over “feelings-based grading.”
8. Congress will pass a bill after reading it, understanding it, and not adding pork.
9. A climate conference will end with: “we’re flying coach next time.”
10. “Rising waters” celebrities will abandon their oceanfront properties and move to higher ground.
11. European officials will call an Islamist terror attack by its real name.
12. A debate moderator will ask both sides the same hard questions.
13. A prosecutor will charge a rioter, and the headline won’t include “legitimate grievances.”
14. A government program will launch on time, under budget, work on day one, and then shut down when the goal is achieved.
15. A billionaire will be praised for vision and creativity instead of confessing privilege.
16. A politician will give a clear answer without saying “let me be clear.”
17. Civil rights groups will condemn Islamist supremacism without adding “however.”
18. White liberal wine-moms will welcome unvetted migrants into their spare bedrooms.
19. The phrase “threat to democracy” will be used only for actual threats and actual democracy.
20. The EU will create an immigration task force to study why existing immigration task forces didn’t work.
21. NGOs will accept that the correct translation of Islamophobia is “basic risk assessment.”
22. A blue state will abandon its 100% renewables policy after learning where the electricity really comes from.
23. The party that touts the affordability crisis will admit it created the affordability crisis.
24. ISIS leaders will be shaken to their core by our inclusive messaging and will mandate DEI training.
25. Student loan forgiveness will be renamed “taxpayer ripoff” just for one glorious day of honesty.
26. A tech platform will ban bots and suddenly half the heated online debates will vanish into nothingness.
27. A foreign adversary will be deterred by the expression of deep concern and a diversity initiative.
28. Open-border elites will convert their coastal mansions into migrant sanctuaries until the pool cabana reaches capacity.
29. A teachers’ union will endorse responsibility, merit, and homework.
30. A CDC official will say: “Covid? Yeah, we kinda overreached.”