WORLD — Reports from across the globe this morning indicated that mankind was officially all out of passwords.

The supply of possible passwords in the known universe was finally exhausted at 8:07 a.m., leaving millions of users staring helplessly at their sign-in screens.

"Pack it up, boys. It's over," said cybersecurity expert Nathaniel Garner. "The internet is toast. The last password in existence was used this morning by 78-year-old Ethel Franklin of Alabama. Surprisingly, it was 'Password1234'. Apparently, no one had ever tried it before. Anyhow, the demise of the internet is upon us."

Major technology companies quickly issued statements urging calm while simultaneously reminding customers that their new passwords still couldn't be the same as any of their previous 87 passwords, effectively locking billions of accounts. The situation rapidly deteriorated as automated password managers began lashing out at users.

"I clicked 'Generate Secure Password' and it just said 'Pound sand, Bobby,'" said local man Robert Gentry. "So, I tried using 'PoundSandBobby' as my password, but no luck. Someone else already took it, oddly enough."

At publishing time, humanity had reportedly spent a combined 70 trillion hours entering six-digit combinations while trying to change passwords in vain.

Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.