NEW YORK, NY — Ranch dressing futures skyrocketed to an unprecedented $120 a barrel on the New York Stock Exchange, officially surpassing crude oil as the world's most valuable liquid asset.

The stunning economic news followed an unstoppable craze for the salad topping sparked by World Cup tourists, who spent the last month singing the praises of America's premier salad dressing and buying up as much of the condiment as they could find.

"We've seen aggressive bidding from European markets all morning," said Wall Street trader Rick Sterling. "OPEC is panicking. Saudi Arabia is already looking into how it can convert their drilling rigs to extract zesty herbs, garlic powder, and chives. It's unlike anything we've ever seen on the markets. I'm still not sure how they're going to transport it all over the world in barrels without it going bad, but that's for the dressing supply guys to figure out.

The trading chaos began after the TSA started confiscating gallons of Hidden Valley from European fans trying to smuggle the contraband across the border in their carry-on luggage. International markets reacted instantly, with the price of the creamy salad dressing shooting up overnight.

"If you want a hot tip to get rich, put everything you've got into ranch dressing," said one broker. "It's a lock."

At publishing time, economists warned that if trading continued at the same pace, a single packet of restaurant-grade ranch could soon be worth more than the entire gross domestic product of Belgium.

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