U.S. — The lesbians of the nation have announced that they are once again planning to go to the zoo today.

For reasons that no human can fathom, every lesbian in the nation will spend the entire day wandering around the zoo, just like they do every other day.

"We lesbians will be walking around the zoo as always, being butch and checking out the lemurs," said local lesbo Jean Allen. "There's something about staring at elephants that really speaks to us dikes. Can't explain it. Rest assured, wherever you turn at the zoo, we'll be there."

Families of the nation had no particular qualm with lesbians hanging out at the zoo today, but wished they understood. "I just want to know why," said local dad Jim Rogers as he surveyed the sea of queers. "What is it about the zoo that brings them out? It's incredible. The zoo could have their own exhibit of these gals. Behold, the short-haired American lesbian, known for its fanny pack and scowly face."

At publishing time, the lesbians of America had confirmed they would see you at the zoo again tomorrow.

Starbucks employees are fed up and taking matters into their own hands.