U.S. — MSNBC reported today that Abraham Lincoln has been shot by a Union soldier who was just firing his rifle in celebration.

After learning Lincoln had been shot, MSNBC reported that it was most likely by one of his own gun-crazy supporters who shot him directly in the skull by accident.

"Lincoln has tragically been killed at Ford theater by a single shot to the head," announced anchor Chris Hayes. "We can only presume this was done by someone who loved Lincoln and was so happy to see him that they shot their gun with joy. You know how Union soldiers are, firing their guns in the air when they are happy."

MSNBC stated that although the killing appeared to be an accident, if by chance it had been done on purpose, Lincoln had it coming. "Ever head of Lincoln-Douglas debates? Lincoln literally invited his opponent to come debate, right out in the open. He obviously deserved to die," reported correspondent Matthew Dowd. "I want to be clear that Lincoln was killed by his own supporters, because they are stupid. But still, he was asking for it."

At publishing time, MSNBC had reported that a suspect "John Wilkes Booth" had been apprehended, who was determined to be a far-right Unionist.

Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?