LONDON — In an effort to modernize MI6 for the eco-conscious era, the British government announced that the organization had officially granted James Bond a license to kill anyone with an air conditioner.

The Double-O Section confirmed that traditional Walther PPKs and exploding pens were also being authorized for use against anyone who plugs in an oscillating fan or who's caught setting their thermostat below 24°C.

"The world has changed, 007," a spokesman for the British government explained. "The real villains aren't hijacking nuclear submarines anymore. They are sitting in tiny flats, sipping room-temperature tea, and emitting hydrofluorocarbons. It's monstrous."

Bond set out immediately to fulfil his new objectives. He admitted he was excited to try his hand at what he called "domestic cold-air espionage."

"If only they practiced passive cooling techniques and kept the windows open to utilize natural cross-breezes," the spokesman continued, "we might not be in this climate change situation to begin with. People who use AC units are the worst domestic terrorists there are. We cannot let it stand."

At publishing time, Bond's Aston Martin had reportedly already been retrofitted with a solar-powered wind turbine, reducing its top speed to a more sensible and energy-conscious 12 mph.

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