AUSTIN, TX — Over the course of a ninety-minute transaction, Elon Musk became the sole and absolute owner of The Economist.

Though Musk had no reported prior interest in the aging magazine, Musk acquired total ownership of the company during a sit-down with The Economist's Zanny Beddoes.

"Well, that didn't quite go as planned," sighed Beddoes, handing over her employee badge to Musk. "Here you go, Elon. I'll, uh, just see myself out."

Musk, for his part, offered Beddoes the option to stay on with the company, on the condition that she do actual journalism. Beddoes made several loud screeching sounds in response, apparently declining the offer.

Musk admitted that he had no intention of assuming ownership of The Economist when he sat down for the interview. "It just kind of happened," said Musk. "She just began making absurd, ridiculous assertions, and next thing I know, I own the entire company. I don't even want it, I have too many companies as it is. Maybe Lil' X can run it."

At publishing time, Lil' X had been introduced as the new CEO of The Economist and issued his first directive to "replace everything in the employee cafeteria with chocolate milk."

The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.