U.S. — Banks across the United States announced today that they would now require an applicant's grandkids to co-sign on a 50-year mortgage "just in case."

"You never know what might happen if you're signing a 50-year mortgage and you're 55 years old," National Banking Association Spokesperson Craig Jensen told the media. "We're going to start requiring every applicant to have their grandkids present to co-sign on the loan in case anything… happens… if you know what I mean. Dead. Death. I'm referring to death."

The banks made the announcement after President Donald Trump earlier this week floated the idea of normalizing 50-year mortgages. With housing prices on the rise and mortgages untenable for many Americans, government officials were still searching for solutions to help more people become homeowners.

"A 50-year mortgage is something we've never seen," Jensen continued. "It would present certain issues with the older mortgage applicants. So, we'll need them to bring a grandkid under the age of 30 to co-sign on the loan. We just don't see any other way to do this. We can't afford to have loanholders keeling over and leaving us holding the proverbial bag."

At publishing time, American grandchildren announced that they would need some type of collateral to co-sign with their grandparents, preferably in the form of candy or ice cream.

What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a "peaceful" dinner?