Civilians having encounters with law enforcement have been all over the news lately, leading some people to wonder what they can do to avoid aggressive treatment from police and federal agents.

To help calm public fears, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of helpful tips to keep you safe from being attacked by law enforcement:

Make sure you ask before you touch their gun: They seem to get really testy about that.

Apply for a permit to run over officers: It's important to always go about things the legal way.

Raise your arms to make yourself look bigger so they'll back down: If nothing else, putting your hands up should reduce your chances of being shot.

Keep your kidnappings to an absolute minimum: The less kidnapping you engage in, the less likely you are to get on the cops' bad side. The data supports this.

Avoid throwing bricks at the police: No matter how strong the urge is, just don't do it.

Move to California: Police let criminals do whatever they want there.

Keep absolutely still: Their vision is based on movement.

No matter how cool you think your weapon is, don't pull it out to show them: Apparently, that's frowned upon.

Don't break any laws: Studies show a surprisingly strong link between obeying the law and not being chased, tackled, beaten up, or tased by police officers.

If you follow the list above, you're virtually guaranteed not to run afoul of the authorities. Have tips of your own? Let everyone know in the comments.

Babylon Bee subscriber Grandpa Charlie Kirk contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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